Hello, my lovely.
Yes, I’m talking to you, you gorgeous cupcake.
As amazing as you look to me right now, you and your friends (eclairs, buttermilk doughnuts, and brownies) need to stay away from me this holiday season and stop tempting me with your delicious good looks. You need to stop lounging around in my refrigerator, calling my name, AND getting to that just-right room temperature on our kitchen cutting-block table. I simply can’t be trusted around you.
Because I’m trying to lose weight, here.
(Trying really, really hard. …)
Thank you ahead of time for your cooperation.
L. Afraid-to-Look-at-the-Scale Sanchez