My 13-year-old daughter turned to me excitedly the other day and said we MUST get a NuWave Oven Pro.
“You can broil, roast, grill, bake, and even dehydrate without all the fats and oils,” she explained patiently.
She’s also mentioned that we could use a Slap Chop, a ShamWow, the Shark Vacuum, and possibly EZ Combs (“You can create dozens of dazzling hairstyles,” she adds without looking at me.)
My daughter has been falling asleep to infomercials.
She even watches them – on purpose – all morning on the weekends. She tells us excitedly, at football practice or at dinner the next day, about the dehydrator, the Your Baby Can Read products, or the fact that the Snuggie now comes in “wild prints.” She says all this as if it’s common knowledge — as if I’m sort of the last to know.
I should have known something was amiss when she became devastated – distraught, mind you – when Billy Mays died. Now, I know that was very sad. I am always sad to hear of a death like that. But the entire country was mourning the loss of Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson at the time, but it was Billy Mays’ death a few days later that had her curled up on the couch and nibbling on her lower lip. She was so upset. She kept watching the news with hope of more information about Billy Mays – How did he die? How could this be? How terribly sad. …
It was then we realized that she’s been watching infomercials like they’re favorite soap operas.
I figure there’s nothing terribly wrong about it. It’s not as if she has access to any cash (thank God!). And, maybe after seeing a zillion of them over a period of a couple of years, she’ll realize they all kind of come around again – they’re all either trying to help you chop tomatoes faster, clean your house faster, or lose 30 pounds in a miraculous amount of time.
And the ones that make it to the “As Seen On TV” section of the convenience stores? Well, I guess she can save her allowance for those ones.
(She did, actually, get her younger brother a child-size “Snuggie” for his birthday.)
I suppose we all know what we’re getting for Christmas. …
How about you? Are you always stunned at the amazing power of infomercials? What are your favorites?